Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize