If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
