I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He kissed a someone with a penis
i love accidental penises.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
