im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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