I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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