You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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