I think my vagina is haunted
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
