She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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