New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
