wat bout pragnant strippers??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
