She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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