i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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