I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm at about main and main street
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
