I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
