the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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