she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
my liver is dry heaving
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
