thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize