I wish life had little blips of pornography
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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