yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
