My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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