is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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