woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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