Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
