I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How's work?
Spinning.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
