last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
