Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
