I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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