Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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