I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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