Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
