omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
