something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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