After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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