I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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