Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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