I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
