Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
