you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
