i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
