my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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