A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
