I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
