My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
