every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
