She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
