He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
