I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
