forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
