Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
