Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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