How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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