Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
