The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
