i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
