i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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