gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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