Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
