No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize