my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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