Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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