I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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