Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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