its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
