after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Success! We fucked roommates!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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