I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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