I want to have your abortion
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
