Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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