look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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