mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
