Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
