he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
