Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
