Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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