I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize