Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
