Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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