took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
