Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
