"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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