I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize