I forgot how hot balto sounded
sarcasm needs its own font
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
