Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
