I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
