Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
