I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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