Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
