I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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