Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
