nut hugger
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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