I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
