From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
